The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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