My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
