I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
