I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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