i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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