Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
