Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
