I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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