well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize