i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
