the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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