seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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