Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
