Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
