you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
