are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
