does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
