Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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