Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
