I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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