she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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