I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
