WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
