Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
