Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
