seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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