Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
