Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
