I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
