none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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