Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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