I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
