Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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