Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
