There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
