How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
