I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
