is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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