OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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