oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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