so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
