hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
