matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
