Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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