I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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