I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
