all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
