I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
