puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
