my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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