he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize