I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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