the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
