My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
