Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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