someone threw a dead crab at me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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