gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
