why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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