Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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