my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
