btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
