Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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