Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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