just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
