puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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