No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
