getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Alive.
So much puke
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
