dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
