I am puke
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
