I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
