maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize