My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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