WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
