My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
