Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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