Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
