Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
