420 ftw
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
