they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
