i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
