went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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