My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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