i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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