I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
