Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
