discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
