wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
