remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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