It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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