Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
